5 Things Recovering People Pleasers Need to Know
A guide for recovering people-pleasers.
1. You have always been enough.
There’s nothing I feared more than conflict. Knowing someone was upset used to send me into a downward spiral where I isolate myself, punishing myself before the other person even told me why they were upset. Tying your self-worth to how others feel about you is a recipe for disaster and the beginning of depressive thoughts. You are enough and have always been.
2. You’ll never be perfect.
I’m obsessed with self-help and I’m an avid therapy goer. There’s nothing I haven’t done in search of becoming the best version of myself. The only problem with this is that sometimes trying too hard to work on yourself erodes your self-esteem because it feeds into the belief there is something wrong with you. In case no one told you, there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing to fix and obsessing about it won’t fix it anyway.
3. How people have experienced you does not define you. No situation is ever black and white, and the same goes for people. Some people think the world of you and love you no matter what. Then others will hold on to your past mistakes, bringing them up any time your name comes up. Just remember that how you feel about yourself is more important than what others have to say about you.
4. No one is judging you more than you are judging yourself.
And those that are, are probably very unhappy and insecure people. As a recovering people pleaser, this epiphany was big for me. I may have not mastered this one but encourage everyone to unapologetically do what they want because most people are too self-absorbed to worry about you.
5. Stop apologising to keep the peace.
I cannot stress this enough because I used to do this a lot then wondered why I felt angry and resentful. Apologising to avoid conflict only hurts you in the end. There’s nothing wrong with conflict it’s a normal part of being human. Don’t allow others to blame you for things you aren’t responsible for, take responsibility for your actions and move on. You’re only responsible for yourself.
We live in a world that rewards us for neglecting our needs for others. Choosing to recover from people-pleasing is one of the most empowering and challenging things you could ever do. You’re worth more than this and I hope that your journey brings you the healing and peace you’ve always deserved.
